小说园

第10部分（第2页）

the　sea　lit　up　below。　She　was　impassive　and　indifferent。　Yet　she

was　outside　the　enclosure　of　darkness。

There　passed　a　space　of　shadow　again；　the　familiarity　of

dread…worship；　during　which　she　was　moved；　oblivious；　to

Cossethay。　There；　at　first；　there　was　nothing……just　grey

nothing。　But　then　one　morning　there　was　a　light　from　the　yellow

jasmine　caught　her；　and　after　that；　morning　and　evening；　the

persistent　ringing　of　thrushes　from　the　shrubbery；　till　her

heart；　beaten　upon；　was　forced　to　lift　up　its　voice　in　rivalry

and　answer。　Little　tunes　came　into　her　mind。　She　was　full　of

trouble　almost　like　anguish。　Resistant；　she　knew　she　was　beaten；

and　from　fear　of　darkness　turned　to　fear　of　light。　She　would

have　hidden　herself　indoors；　if　she　could。　Above　all；　she　craved

for　the　peace　and　heavy　oblivion　of　her　old　state。　She　could　not

bear　to　e　to；　to　realize。　The　first　pangs　of　this　new

parturition　were　so　acute；　she　knew　she　could　not　bear　it。　She

would　rather　remain　out　of　life；　than　be　torn；　mutilated　into

this　birth；　which　she　could　not　survive。　She　had　not　the

strength　to　e　to　life　now；　in　England；　so　foreign；　skies　so

hostile。　She　knew　she　would　die　like　an　early；　colourless；

scentless　flower　that　the　end　of　the　winter　puts　forth

mercilessly。　And　she　wanted　to　harbour　her　modicum　of　twinkling

life。

But　a　sunshiny　day　came　full　of　the　scent　of　a　mezereon　tree；

when　bees　were　tumbling　into　the　yellow　crocuses；　and　she

forgot；　she　felt　like　somebody　else；　not　herself；　a　new　person；

quite　glad。　But　she　knew　it　was　fragile；　and　she　dreaded　it。　The

vicar　put　pea…flower　into　the　crocuses；　for　his　bees　to　roll　in；

and　she　laughed。　Then　night　came；　with　brilliant　stars　that　she

knew　of　old；　from　her　girlhood。　And　they　flashed　so　bright；　she

knew　they　were　victors。

She　could　neither　wake　nor　sleep。　As　if　crushed　between　the

past　and　the　future；　like　a　flower　that　es　above…ground　to

find　a　great　stone　lying　above　it；　she　was　helpless。

The　bewilderment　and　helplessness　continued；　she　was

surrounded　by　great　moving　masses　that　must　crush　her。　And　there

was　no　escape。　Save　in　the　old　obliviousness；　the　cold　darkness

she　strove　to　retain。　But　the　vicar　showed　her　eggs　in　the

thrushs　nest　near　the　back　door。　She　saw　herself　the

mother…thrush　upon　the　nest；　and　the　way　her　wings　were　spread；