小说园

第72部分（第5页）

harry　her。　She　did　not　know；　but　her　instinct　gradually　warned

her。　She　was　tortured　by　the　voice　of　Mr。　Brunt。　On　it　went；

jarring；　harsh；　full　of　hate；　but　so　monotonous；　it　nearly　drove

her　mad：　always　the　same　set；　harsh　monotony。　The　man　was　bee

a　mechanism　working　on　and　on　and　on。　But　the　personal　man　was

in　subdued　friction　all　the　time。　It　was　horrible……all

hate！　Must　she　be　like　this？　She　could　feel　the　ghastly

necessity。　She　must　bee　the　same……put　away　the　personal

self；　bee　an　instrument；　an　abstraction；　working　upon　a

certain　material；　the　class；　to　achieve　a　set　purpose　of　making

them　know　so　much　each　day。　And　she　could　not　submit。　Yet

gradually　she　felt　the　invincible　iron　closing　upon　her。　The　sun

was　being　blocked　out。　Often　when　she　went　out　at　playtime　and

saw　a　luminous　blue　sky　with　changing　clouds；　it　seemed　just　a

fantasy；　like　a　piece　of　painted　scenery。　Her　heart　was　so　black

and　tangled　in　the　teaching；　her　personal　self　was　shut　in

prison；　abolished；　she　was　subjugate　to　a　bad；　destructive　will。

How　then　could　the　sky　be　shining？　There　was　no　sky；　there　was

no　luminous　atmosphere　of　out…of…doors。　Only　the　inside　of　the

school　was　real……hard；　concrete；　real　and　vicious。

She　would　not　yet；　hoe　her。

She　always　said。　〃It　is　not　a　permanency；　it　will　e　to　an

end。〃　She　could　always　see　herself　beyond　the　place；　see　the

time　when　she　had　left　it。　On　Sundays　and　on　holidays；　when　she

was　away　at　Cossethay　or　in　the　woods　where　the　beech…leaves

were　fallen；　she　could　think　of　St。　Philips　Church　School；　and

by　an　effort　of　will　put　it　in　the　picture　as　a　dirty　little

low…squatting　building　that　made　a　very　tiny　mound　under　the

sky；　while　the　great　beech…woods　spread　immense　about　her；　and

the　afternoon　was　spacious　and　wonderful。　Moreover　the　children；

the　scholars；　they　were　insignificant　little　objects　far　away；

oh；　far　away。　And　what　power　had　they　over　her　free　soul？　A

fleeting　thought　of　them；　as　she　kicked　her　way　through　the

beech…leaves；　and　they　were　gone。　But　her　will　was　tense　against

them　all　the　time。

All　the　while；　they　pursued　her。　She　had　never　had　such　a