小说园

第77部分（第1页）

place　in　this　state　also；　in　the　world　of　work　and　mans

convention。

She　was　isolated　now　from　the　life　of　her　childhood；　a

foreigner　in　a　new　life；　of　work　and　mechanical　consideration。

She　and　Maggie；　in　their　dinner…hours　and　their　occasional　teas

at　the　little　restaurant；　discussed　life　and　ideas。　Maggie　was　a

great　suffragette；　trusting　in　the　vote。　To　Ursula　the　vote　was

never　a　reality。　She　had　within　her　the　strange；　passionate

knowledge　of　religion　and　living　far　transcending　the　limits　of

the　automatic　system　that　contained　the　vote。　But　her

fundamental；　organic　knowledge　had　as　yet　to　take　form　and　rise

to　utterance。　For　her；　as　for　Maggie；　the　liberty　of　woman　meant

something　real　and　deep。　She　felt　that　somewhere；　in　something；

she　was　not　free。　And　she　wanted　to　be。　She　was　in　revolt。　For

once　she　were　free　she　could　get　somewhere。　Ah；　the　wonderful；

real　somewhere　that　was　beyond　her；　the　somewhere　that　she　felt

deep；　deep　inside　her。

In　ing　out　and　earning　her　own　living　she　had　made　a

strong；　cruel　move　towards　freeing　herself。　But　having　more

freedom　she　only　became　more　profoundly　aware　of　the　big　want。

She　wanted　so　many　things。　She　wanted　to　read　great；　beautiful

books；　and　be　rich　with　them；　she　wanted　to　see　beautiful

things；　and　have　the　joy　of　them　for　ever；　she　wanted　to　know

big；　free　people；　and　there　remained　always　the　want　she　could

put　no　name　to。

It　was　so　difficult。　There　were　so　many　things；　so　much　to

meet　and　surpass。　And　one　never　knew　where　one　was　going。　It　was

a　blind　fight。　She　had　suffered　bitterly　in　this　school　of　St。

Philips。　She　was　like　a　young　filly　that　has　been　broken　in　to

the　shafts；　and　has　lost　its　freedom。　And　now　she　was　suffering

bitterly　from　the　agony　of　the　shafts。　The　agony；　the　galling；

the　ignominy　of　her　breaking　in。　This　wore　into　her　soul。　But

she　would　never　submit。　To　shafts　like　these　she　would　never

submit　for　long。　But　she　would　know　them。　She　would　serve　them

that　she　might　destroy　them。

She　and　Maggie　went　to　all　kinds　of　places　together；　to　big

suffrage　meetings　in　Nottingham；　to　concerts；　to　theatres；　to

exhibitions　of　pictures。　Ursula　saved　her　money　and　bought　a

bicycle；　and　the　two　girls　rode　to　Lincoln；　to　Southwell；　and