小说园

第35部分（第2页）

so　close；　like　leopard　that　had　leapt　on　her；　and　fastened。

He　went　on　from　day　to　day　in　a　blackness　of　rage　and　shame

and　frustration。　How　he　tortured　himself；　to　be　able　to　get　away

from　her。　But　he　could　not。　She　was　as　the　rock　on　which　he

stood；　with　deep；　heaving　water　all　round；　and　he　was　unable　to

swim。　He　must　take　his　stand　on　her；　he　must　depend　on

her。

What　had　he　in　life；　save　her？　Nothing。　The　rest　was　a　great

heaving　flood。　The　terror　of　the　night　of　heaving；　overwhelming

flood；　which　was　his　vision　of　life　without　her；　was　too　much

for　him。　He　clung　to　her　fiercely　and　abjectly。

And　she　beat　him　off；　she　beat　him　off。　Where　could　he　turn；

like　a　swimmer　in　a　dark　sea；　beaten　off　from　his　hold；　whither

could　he　turn？　He　wanted　to　leave　her；　he　wanted　to　be　able　to

leave　her。　For　his　souls　sake；　for　his　manhoods　sake；　he　must

be　able　to　leave　her。

But　for　what？　She　was　the　ark；　and　the　rest　of　the　world　was

flood。　The　only　tangible；　secure　thing　was　the　woman。　He　could

leave　her　only　for　another　woman。　And　where　was　the　other　woman；

and　who　was　the　other　woman？　Besides；　he　would　be　just　in　the

same　state。　Another　woman　would　be　woman；　the　case　would　be　the

same。

Why　was　she　the　all；　the　everything；　why　must　he　live　only

through　her；　why　must　he　sink　if　he　were　detached　from　her？　Why

must　he　cleave　to　her　in　a　frenzy　as　for　his　very　life？

The　only　other　way　to　leave　her　was　to　die。　The　only　straight

way　to　leave　her　was　to　die。　His　dark；　raging　soul　knew　that。

But　he　had　no　desire　for　death。

Why　could　he　not　leave　her？　Why　could　he　not　throw　himself

into　the　hidden　water　to　live　or　die；　as　might　be？　He　could　not；

he　could　not。　But　supposing　he　went　away；　right　away；　and　found

work；　and　had　a　lodging　again。　He　could　be　again　as　he　had　been

before。

But　he　knew　he　could　not。　A　woman；　he　must　have　a　woman。　And

having　a　woman；　he　must　be　free　of　her。　It　would　be　the　same