小说园

第50部分（第1页）

was　beginning　to　affect　her；　Anna　sent　her　with　Gudrun　to　the

Grammar　School　in　Nottingham。　This　was　a　great　release　for

Ursula。　She　had　a　passionate　craving　to　escape　from　the

belittling　circumstances　of　life；　the　little　jealousies；　the

little　differences；　the　little　meannesses。　It　was　a　torture　to

her　that　the　Phillipses　were　poorer　and　meaner　than　herself；

that　they　used　mean　little　reservations；　took　petty　little

advantages。　She　wanted　to　be　with　her　equals：　but　not　by

diminishing　herself。　She　did　want　Clem　Phillips　to　be　her

equal。　But　by　some　puzzling；　painful　fate　or　other；　when　he　was

really　there　with　her；　he　produced　in　her　a　tight　feeling　in　the

head。　She　wanted　to　beat　her　forehead；　to　escape。

Then　she　found　that　the　way　to　escape　was　easy。　One　departed

from　the　whole　circumstance。　One　went　away　to　the　Grammar

School；　and　left　the　little　school；　the　meagre　teachers；　the

Phillipses　whom　she　had　tried　to　love　but　who　had　made　her　fail；

and　whom　she　could　not　forgive。　She　had　an　instinctive　fear　of

petty　people；　as　a　deer　is　afraid　of　dogs。　Because　she　was

blind；　she　could　not　calculate　nor　estimate　people。　She　must

think　that　everybody　was　just　like　herself。

She　measured　by　the　standard　of　her　own　people：　her　father

and　mother；　her　grandmother；　her　uncles。　Her　beloved　father；　so

utterly　simple　in　his　demeanour；　yet　with　his　strong；　dark　soul

fixed　like　a　root　in　unexpressed　depths　that　fascinated　and

terrified　her：　her　mother；　so　strangely　free　of　all　money　and

convention　and　fear；　entirely　indifferent　to　the　world；　standing

by　herself；　without　connection：　her　grandmother；　who　had　e

from　so　far　and　was　centred　in　so　wide　an　horizon：　people　must

e　up　to　these　standards　before　they　could　be　Ursulas

people。

So　even　as　a　girl　of　twelve　she　was　glad　to　burst　the　narrow

boundary　of　Cossethay；　where　only　limited　people　lived。　Outside；

was　all　vastness；　and　a　throng　of　real；　proud　people　whom　she

would　love。