小说园

第63部分（第2页）

the　mere　touch　of　coarse　wool　seemed　to　tear　her　nerves。

CHAPTER　XII

SHAME

Ursula　had　only　two　more　terms　at　school。　She　was　studying

for　her　matriculation　examination。　It　was　dreary　work；　for　she

had　very　little　intelligence　when　she　was　disjointed　from

happiness。　Stubbornness　and　a　consciousness　of　impending　fate

kept　her　half…heartedly　pinned　to　it。　She　knew　that　soon　she

would　want　to　bee　a　self…responsible　person；　and　her　dread

was　that　she　would　be　prevented。　An　all…containing　will　in　her

for　plete　independence；　plete　social　independence；

plete　independence　from　any　personal　authority；　kept　her

dullishly　at　her　studies。　For　she　knew　that　she　had　always　her

price　of　ransom……her　femaleness。　She　was　always　a　woman；

and　what　she　could　not　get　because　she　was　a　human　being；　fellow

to　the　rest　of　mankind；　she　would　get　because　she　was　a　female；

other　than　the　man。　In　her　femaleness　she　felt　a　secret　riches；

a　reserve；　she　had　always　the　price　of　freedom。

However；　she　was　sufficiently　reserved　about　this　last

resource。　The　other　things　should　be　tried　first。　There　was　the

mysterious　mans　world　to　be　adventured　upon；　the　world　of　daily

work　and　duty；　and　existence　as　a　working　member　of　the

munity。　Against　this　she　had　a　subtle　grudge。　She　wanted　to

make　her　conquest　also　of　this　mans　world。

So　she　ground　away　at　her　work；　never　giving　it　up。　Some

things　she　liked。　Her　subjects　were　English；　Latin；　French；

mathematics　and　history。　Once　she　knew　how　to　read　French　and

Latin；　the　syntax　bored　her。　Most　tedious　was　the　close　study　of

English　literature。　Why　should　one　remember　the　things　one　read？

Something　in　mathematics；　their　cold　absoluteness；　fascinated

her；　but　the　actual　practice　was　tedious。　Some　people　in　history

puzzled　her　and　made　her　ponder；　but　the　political　parts　angered

her；　and　she　hated　ministers。　Only　in　odd　streaks　did　she　get　a

poignant　sense　of　acquisition　and　enrichment　and　enlarging　from

her　studies；　one　afternoon；　reading　As　You　Like　It；　once　when；

with　her　blood；　she　heard　a　passage　of　Latin；　and　she　knew　how

the　blood　beat　in　a　Romans　body；　so　that　ever　after　she　felt

she　knew　the　Romans　by　contact。　She　enjoyed　the　vagaries　of

English　Grammar；　because　it　gave　her　pleasure　to　detect　the　live

movements　of　words　and　sentences；　and　mathematics；　the　very