小说园

第48部分（第5页）

fortune。　And　he；　an　intellectual；　a　clever　surgeon　and

physician；　had　loved　her。　How　she　had　looked　up　to　him！　She

remembered　her　first　transports　when　he　talked　to　her；　the

important　young　man　with　the　severe　black　beard。　He　had　seemed

so　wonderful；　such　an　authority。　After　her　own　lax　household；

his　gravity　and　confident；　hard　authority　seemed　almost　God…like

to　her。　For　she　had　never　known　it　in　her　life；　all　her

surroundings　had　been　loose；　lax；　disordered；　a　welter。

〃Miss　Lydia；　will　you　marry　me？〃　he　had　said　to　her　in

German；　in　his　grave；　yet　tremulous　voice。　She　had　been　afraid

of　his　dark　eyes　upon　her。　They　did　not　see　her；　they　were　fixed

upon　her。　And　he　was　hard；　confident。　She　thrilled　with　the

excitement　of　it；　and　accepted。　During　the　courtship；　his　kisses

were　a　wonder　to　her。　She　always　thought　about　them；　and

wondered　over　them。　She　never　wanted　to　kiss　him　back。　In　her

idea；　the　man　kissed；　and　the　woman　examined　in　her　soul　the

kisses　she　had　received。

She　had　never　quite　recovered　from　her　prostration　of　the

first　days；　or　nights；　of　marriage。　He　had　taken　her　to　Vienna；

and　she　was　utterly　alone　with　him；　utterly　alone　in　another

world；　everything；　everything　foreign；　even　he　foreign　to　her。

Then　came　the　real　marriage；　passion　came　to　her；　and　she　became

his　slave；　he　was　her　lord；　her　lord。　She　was　the　girl…bride；

the　slave；　she　kissed　his　feet；　she　had　thought　it　an　honour　to

touch　his　body；　to　unfasten　his　boots。　For　two　years；　she　had

gone　on　as　his　slave；　crouching　at　his　feet；　embracing　his

knees。

Children　had　e；　he　had　followed　his　ideas。　She　was　there

for　him；　just　to　keep　him　in　condition。　She　was　to　him　one　of

the　baser　or　material　conditions　necessary　for　his　welfare　in

prosecuting　his　ideas；　of　nationalism；　of　liberty；　of

science。

But　gradually；　at　twenty…three；　twenty…four；　she　began　to

realize　that　she　too　might　consider　these　ideas。　By　his

acceptance　of　her　self…subordination；　he　exhausted　the　feeling