小说园

第51部分（第3页）

She　was　happy　at　home；　Ursula　was　not。　Slim　and　unwilling

abroad；　Gudrun　was　easy　in　her　own　house　as　a　wild　thing　in　its

lair。　Whereas　Ursula；　attentive　and　keen　abroad；　at　home　was

reluctant；　uneasy；　unwilling　to　be　herself；　or　unable。

Nevertheless　Sunday　remained　the　maximum　day　of　the　week　for

both。　Ursula　turned　passionately　to　it；　to　the　sense　of　eternal

security　it　gave。　She　suffered　anguish　of　fears　during　the

week…days；　for　she　felt　strong　powers　that　would　not　recognize

her。　There　was　upon　her　always　a　fear　and　a　dislike　of

authority。　She　felt　she　could　always　do　as　she　wanted　if　she

managed　to　avoid　a　battle　with　Authority　and　the　authorised

Powers。　But　if　she　gave　herself　away；　she　would　be　lost；

destroyed。　There　was　always　the　menace　against　her。

This　strange　sense　of　cruelty　and　ugliness　always　imminent；

ready　to　seize　hold　upon　her　this　feeling　of　the　grudging　power

of　the　mob　lying　in　wait　for　her；　who　was　the　exception；　formed

one　of　the　deepest　influences　of　her　life。　Wherever　she　was；　at

school；　among　friends；　in　the　street；　in　the　train；　she

instinctively　abated　herself；　made　herself　smaller；　feigned　to

be　less　than　she　was；　for　fear　that　her　undiscovered　self　should

be　seen；　pounced　upon；　attacked　by　brutish　resentment　of　the

monplace；　the　average　Self。

She　was　fairly　safe　at　school；　now。　She　knew　how　to　take　her

place　there；　and　how　much　of　herself　to　reserve。　But　she　was

free　only　on　Sundays。　When　she　was　but　a　girl　of　fourteen；　she

began　to　feel　a　resentment　growing　against　her　in　her　own　home。

She　knew　she　was　the　disturbing　influence　there。　But　as　yet；　on

Sundays；　she　was　free；　really　free；　free　to　be　herself；　without

fear　or　misgiving。

Even　at　its　stormiest；　Sunday　was　a　blessed　day。　Ursula　woke

to　it　with　a　feeling　of　immense　relief。　She　wondered　why　her

heart　was　so　light。　Then　she　remembered　it　was　Sunday。　A

gladness　seemed　to　burst　out　around　her；　a　feeling　of　great

freedom。　The　whole　world　was　for　twenty…four　hours　revoked；　put

back。　Only　the　Sunday　world　existed。