小说园

第71部分（第3页）

The　day　passed　incredibly　slowly。　She　never　knew　what　to　do；

there　came　horrible　gaps；　when　she　was　merely　exposed　to　the

children；　and　when；　relying　on　some　pert　little　girl　for

information；　she　had　started　a　lesson；　she　did　not　know　how　to

go　on　with　it　properly。　The　children　were　her　masters。　She

deferred　to　them。　She　could　always　hear　Mr。　Brunt。　Like　a

machine；　always　in　the　same　hard；　high；　inhuman　voice　he　went　on

with　his　teaching；　oblivious　of　everything。　And　before　this

inhuman　number　of　children　she　was　always　at　bay。　She　could　not

get　away　from　it。　There　it　was；　this　class　of　fifty　collective

children；　depending　on　her　for　mand；　for　mand　it　hated　and

resented。　It　made　her　feel　she　could　not　breathe：　she　must

suffocate；　it　was　so　inhuman。　They　were　so　many；　that　they　were

not　children。　They　were　a　squadron。　She　could　not　speak　as　she

would　to　a　child；　because　they　were　not　individual　children；

they　were　a　collective；　inhuman　thing。

Dinner…time　came；　and　stunned；　bewildered；　solitary；　she　went

into　the　teachers　room　for　dinner。　Never　had　she　felt　such　a

stranger　to　life　before。　It　seemed　to　her　she　had　just

disembarked　from　some　strange　horrible　state　where　everything

was　as　in　hell；　a　condition　of　hard；　malevolent　system。　And　she

was　not　really　free。　The　afternoon　drew　at　her　like　some

bondage。

The　first　week　passed　in　a　blind　confusion。　She　did　not　know

how　to　teach；　and　she　felt　she　never　would　know。　Mr。　Harby　came

down　every　now　and　then　to　her　class；　to　see　what　she　was　doing。

She　felt　so　inpetent　as　he　stood　by；　bullying　and

threatening；　so　unreal；　that　she　wavered；　became　neutral　and

non…existent。　But　he　stood　there　watching　with　the

listening…genial　smile　of　the　eyes；　that　was　really　threatening；

he　said　nothing；　he　made　her　go　on　teaching；　she　felt　she　had　no

soul　in　her　body。　Then　he　went　away；　and　his　going　was　like　a

derision。　The　class　was　his　class。　She　was　a　wavering

substitute。　He　thrashed　and　bullied；　he　was　hated。　But　he　was

master。　Though　she　was　gentle　and　always　considerate　of　her