Brawk…Brawk…Brawk!
Eggs scare me。 Chickens; too。 And buddy; you can laugh at that all you want; but Im being
dead serious here。
It started in the sixth grade with eggs。
And a snake。
And the Baker brothers。
The Baker brothers names are Matt and Mike; but even now I cant tell you which ones
which。 You never see one without the other。 And even
though theyre not twins; they do look and sound pretty much the same; and theyre both in
Lytas class; so maybe one of them got held back。
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Although I cant exactly see a teacher voluntarily having either of those maniacs two years in
a row。
Regardless; Matt and Mike are the ones who taught me that snakes eat eggs。 And when I
say they eat eggs; Im talking they eat them raw and
shell…on whole。
I probably wouldve gone my entire life without this little bit of reptilian trivia if it hadnt been
for Lyta。 Lyta had this major…league thing for
Skyler Brown; who lives about three blocks down; and every chance she got; she went down
there to hang out while he practiced the drums。 Well;
boom…boom…whap; what did I care; right? But then Skyler and Julis brothers formed a band;
which they named Mystery Pisser。
When my mom heard about it; she pletely wigged out。 “What kind of parents would allow
their children to be in a band named Mystery
Pisser? Its vile。 Its disgusting!”
“Thats the whole point; Mom;” Lyta tried to explain。 “It doesnt mean anything。 Its just to
get a rise out of old people。”
“Are you calling me old; young lady? Because its certainly getting a rise out of me!”
Lyta just shrugged; implying that my mom could draw her own conclusion。
“Go! Go to your room;” my mother snapped。
“For what?” Lyta snapped back。 “I didnt say a thing!”
“You know perfectly well what for。 Now you go in there and adjust your attitude; young lady!”
So Lyta got another one of her teenage time…outs; and after that any time Lyta was two
minutes late ing home for dinner; my mother