小说园

第51部分（第2页）

〃Under　circumstances　of　extreme　terror；　people　make　decisions　poorly。〃

Yet　Norman　wasnt　afraid。　Far　from　it。　He　was　confident　and　strong。　He　had　a　plan；　he　was　carrying　it　out。　Why　should　he　even　think　of　that　report？　At　the　time；　hed　agonized　over　it；　thinking　of　each　sentence。　。。。　Why　was　it　ing　to　mind　now？　It　troubled　him。

〃Your　attention；　please。　Sixteen　minutes　and　counting。〃　Norman　scanned　the　gauges　before　him。　He　was　at　nine　hundred　feet；　rising　swiftly。　There　was　no　turning　back　now。　Why　should　he　even　think　of　turning　back？

Why　should　it　enter　his　mind？

As　he　rose　silently　through　black　water；　he　increasingly　felt　a　kind　of　split　inside　himself；　an　almost　schizophrenic　internal　division。　Something　was　wrong；　he　sensed。　There　was　something　he　hadnt　considered　yet。

But　what　could　he　have　overlooked？　Nothing；　he　decided；　because；　unlike　Beth　and　Harry；　I　am　fully　conscious；　I　am　aware　of　everything　that　is　happening　inside　me。

Except　Norman　didnt　really　believe　that。　plete　awareness　might　be　a　philosophical　goal；　but　it　was　not　really　attainable。　Consciousness　was　like　a　pebble　that　rippled　the　surface　of　the　unconscious。　As　consciousness　widened；　there　was　still　more　unconsciousness　beyond。　There　was　always　more；　just　beyond　reach。　Even　for　a　humanistic　psychologist。

Stein；　his　old　professor：　〃You　always　have　your　shadow。〃

What　was　Normans　shadow　side　doing　now？　What　was　happening　in　the　unconscious；　denied　parts　of　his　own　brain？　Nothing。　Keep　going　up。

He　shifted　uneasily　in　the　pilots　chair。　He　wanted　to　go　to　the　surface　so　badly；　he　felt　such　conviction。　。。。

＇＇347＇＇　I　hate　Beth。　I　hate　Harry。　I　hate　worrying　about　these　people；　caring　for　them。　I　dont　want　to　care　any　more。　Its　not　my　responsibility。　I　want　to　save　myself。　I　hate　them。　I　hate　them。

He　was　shocked。　Shocked　by　his　own　thoughts；　the　vehemence　of　them。

I　must　go　back；　he　thought。　If　I　go　back　I　will　die。

But　some　other　part　of　himself　was　growing　stronger　with　each　moment。　What　Beth　had　said　was　true：　Norman　had　been　the　one　who　kept　saying　that　they　had　to　stay　together；　to　work　together。　How　could　he　abandon　them　now？　He　couldnt。　It　was　against　everything　he　believed　in；　everything　that　was　important　and　human。

He　had　to　go　back。

I　am　afraid　to　go　back。

At　last；　he　thought。　There　it　is。　Fear　so　strong　he　had　denied　its　existence；　fear　that　had　caused　him　to　rationalize　abandoning　the　others。

He　pressed　the　controls；　halting　his　ascent。　As　he　started　back　down；　he　saw　that　his　hands　were　shaking。

0130　HOURS

The　sub　came　to　rest　gently　on　the　bottom　beside　the　habitat。　Norman　stepped　into　the　submarine　airlock；　flooded　the　chamber。　Moments　later；　he　climbed　down　the　side　and　walked　toward　the　habitat。　The　Tevac　explosives　cones　with　their　blinking　red　lights　looked　oddly　festive。

〃Your　attention；　please。　Fourteen　minutes　and　counting。〃　He　estimated　the　time　he　would　need。　One　minute　to　get　inside。　Five；　maybe　six　minutes　to　dress　Beth　and　Harry　in　＇＇348＇＇　the　suits。　Another　four　minutes　to　reach　the　sub　and　get　them　aboard。　Two　or　three　minutes　to　make　the　ascent。

It　was　going　to　be　close。　He　moved　beneath　the　big　support　pylons；　under　the　habitat。

〃So　you　came　back；　Norman；〃　Beth　said；　over　the　inter。

〃Yes；　Beth。〃

〃Thank　God；〃　she　said。　She　started　to　cry。　He　was　beneath　A　Cyl；　hearing　her　sobs　over　the　inter。　He　found　the　hatch　cover；　spun　the　wheel　to　open　it。　It　was　locked　shut。

〃Beth；　open　the　hatch。〃

She　was　crying　over　the　inter。　She　didnt　answer　him。

〃Beth；　can　you　hear　me？　Open　the　hatch。〃

Crying　like　a　child；　sobbing　hysterically。　〃Norman；〃　she　said。　〃Please　help　me。　Please。〃

〃Im　trying　to　help　you；　Beth。　Open　the　hatch。〃

〃I　cant。〃

〃What　do　you　mean；　you　cant？〃