小说园

她留下了一团糟 he left a behd（第1页）

杰儿。马努斯

JayeW。Manus

Iwatchherbackhernewtruckoutofthedriveway。Theickuistoolarge，tooexensive。Shedrefusedtoconsideraracticalcomactcarthatgetsgoodgasmileageandiseasytoark。Itsbecauseofme，Ithink。Sheboughtittositeme。

Sheddroedoutofcollege，andIdmadehercomehome。Allsummerlongshedbeenanunstablecloudofgasolinefumes，lookingforamatchtosetheroff。Wedfoughtaboutherjob，aboutleavingschool，aboutherboyfriendandherfuture。Shedcriedalotandrebuffedallmyattemtstocomforther。

“Imtwenty，almost，”shedtoldmesooftenthatmyteethached。“Iamanadult!”

EachtimeIsilentlyrelied，No，youarenot。Youstillwatchcartoons，andexectmetodoyourlaundry，andaskmetoickutoothasteforyouwhenIgotothegrocerystore。

Nowsheisgone，offtobeanadultfarawayfromme。Imgladshesgone。Shesimossibleandcrankyanddifficulttogetalongwith。Iamsickoffighting，tiredofhertantrums。

Herfatherisangry。Hewatchestelevisionandwillnotseak。Heheledherwiththedownaymentonthetruckandgotheragooddeal。Hesliedhercashbeforesheleft。Iwanttosay。Ifonlyyouhadntheledherbuythetruck，shewouldstillbehere。Itsalie。

“Iamnevercomingback，”shetoldme。“Imagrown-unow。Iwanttolive。”

Whathadshebeendoingfortwentyyears?Existinginsusendedanimation?

Thecatisusetbythesuitcasesandboxesandunsokenrecriminations。Sheshiding。ForamomentIfearshessneakedintothetruck，goneoffwithmydaughteronanadventurefromwhichIamforbidden。

Sheleftamess。Herbathroomisanembarrassmentofdamtowels，out-of-datecosmetics，hairinthesink，andnearlyemtyshamoobottles。Ha!Somegrown-u!Shecantevenickuafterherself。Illshowher。Shedoesntwanttolivewithme，doesntwanttobemybabygirlanymore，fine。Icanbeevenstinkierthansheis。

Ibringaboxofbigblackgarbagebagsustairs。Eyeshadow，facecream，glitternailolishandastringent-intothetrash。Idumdrawersandsweeshelvesclearofgels，mousse，bodywash，anderfume。Irefusetoconsiderwhatmightbeuseful，whatcanbesaved。Everythinggoes。Iscrubthetubandsinkcleanofher。WhenIamfinished，itisassterileandimersonalasamotelbathroom。

InherbedroomIfindmismatchedsocksunderherbedandfrayedantiesontheclosetfloor。Deskdrawersarefilledwithschoolaers，filedbyyearandsubject。Icatchmyselfreadingthroughoemsandessays，admiringhighscoresontestsandreadinghername，rintedortyedneatlyintheuerrighthandcornerofeachaer。Iackthedeskcontentsintoabox。Sixmonths。Ithink。IwilIgivehersixmonthstocollectherbelongings，andthenIwillthrowitallaway。Thatisfair。Grown-usayforstorage。

Herbooksstymieme。Dr。Seuss，SweetValleyHigh，R。L。Stine，Baby-sittersClub，Shakeseare，TheOdysseyandTheIliad，romancenovels，historicalnovelsandtextbooks。Alifetimeofreading;eachbookbeloved。Iwanttobeheartless，tostufftheminaersacksfortheusedbookstore。Ilovebooksasmuchasshedoes，Icramthemontoasinglebookshelftodealwithlater。

Iwillturnherroomintoacraftsroom。OrcreatethefancyguestroomIvealwayswanted。Butnotforherbenefit。Whengrown-uliferovestoohardandshecomescrawlingback，shecanstayinthebasementorsleeonthecouch。

Myruthlessnessreturnswithavengeance。Dresses，sweaters，leggings，andshoesshehasntwornsinceseventhgradearecrammedintogarbagebags。

Herthoughtlessnessaallsme。DidIraisehertobelikethis?Totreatwhatsheowns-whatIaidfor-assomuchtrash?No，sheleftthismesstothumbhernoseatme，asaybackfortreatingherlikethechildsheis。

“Falala，Mom，Iamofftoconquertheworld，offtobiggerandbetterthings。Dobeadearandtakecareofthisiffle。”

Iamalagueoflocustsemtyingthecloset。Twoilesgrowtoclumsyheights:oneforGoodwill，theothertrash。

Therearemoreshoes，stuffedanimalslargeandsmall，knick-knacks，feltennants，osters，hairbands，andinkfoamrollers。ThejobgrowslargerthelongerIamatit。Howcanonegirlcollectsomuchinonlytwentyyears?

Itsobviousshedoesntcareaboutme，herfather，ourhome，oranythingweverovided。Wearetheflotsamandjetsam，thedetritusofchildhood。

Istuffgarbagebagsuntilthelasticstrains。Ihaulthemdownthestairstwobagsatatime。DonationstoGoodwillgointothetrunkofmycar;trashgoestothecurb。Sweatandsoreshouldersfuelmyirritation。Myhusbandhasleftthehouse，erhastoavoidthesamefightIwishtoavoid。

Sheleftthebedrumled，thecomforteronthefloor，thesheetsinatangle。Istrioffthecomforter，blanket，sheets，mattressad，andillows。OnceshestartsfeedingquartersintoLaundromatmachines，shellareciatetheyearsofcleanclothesIverovidedforfree。

Iturnthemattress。Alargemanilaenveloeismarked“DONOTTHROWAWAY。”Ioenit。Moreaers。Idumthecontentsontothefloor。Thereareoldhotograhs，letters，greetingcards，andnotesfilledwithsaysentiments，baduns，andsillynicknames。Therearecomicscliedfromnewsaersandbookreviews。Everysingleitemhadassedfrommyhandtohers。

“DONOTTHROWAWAY。”

Darnedkidknowsmetoowelt。

Ireadoveralifetimeofinsidejokesandsharedsentiments。Maybetheickuwasntsuchabadidea，afterall。Maybeithelshertofeellesssmallinabigworld。Maybe，too，theawfulsummerwasntformybenefit，butforhers。Itseasiertoleavewhenshesconvincedsheistooangrytostay。

Iretrievegarbagebagsfromthecarandthecurb。Clothesandshoesgobackintothecloset。Iremakethebedandileitwithstuffedanimals。Thecatslinksintotheroomandlooksaroundwithsusiciouseyes。FinallyshemakesalaceforherselfbetweenaChristmasbearandanEasterbunny。Myhusbandcomeshomeandcallsuthestairs。

“Juststraighteningu，”Itellhim。“Canyoufindsomeboxesforherstuff?”

Hebringsucartonsfromthebasement。“Sheleftamess，”hesays。“Idontmind。”Irely。Shesnotcomingback，’hesays。Hisangerisgone，andnowhessad。