小说园

第5部分（第2页）

happiest　and　most　natural　thing　in　the　world……what？

He　went　home　talking　to　himself　and　to　the　moon；　that　was

very　high　and　small；　stumbling　at　the　flashes　of　moonlight　from

the　puddles　at　his　feet；　wondering　What　the　Hanover！　then

laughing　confidently　to　the　moon；　assuring　her　this　was　first

class；　this　was。

In　the　morning　he　woke　up　and　thought　about　it；　and　for　the

first　time　in　his　life；　knew　what　it　was　to　feel　really　acutely

irritable；　in　a　misery　of　real　bad　temper。　After　bawling　and

snarling　at　Tilly；　he　took　himself　off　for　very　shame；　to　be

alone。　And　looking　at　the　ashen　fields　and　the　putty　roads；　he

wondered　what　in　the　name　of　Hell　he　could　do　to　get　out　of　this

prickly　sense　of　disgust　and　physical　repulsion。　And　he　knew

that　this　was　the　result　of　his　glorious　evening。

And　his　stomach　did　not　want　any　more　brandy。　He　went

doggedly　across　the　fields　with　his　terrier；　and　looked　at

everything　with　a　jaundiced　eye。

The　next　evening　found　him　back　again　in　his　place　at　the

〃Red　Lion〃；　moderate　and　decent。　There　he　sat　and　stubbornly

waited　for　what　would　happen　next。

Did　he；　or　did　he　not　believe　that　he　belonged　to　this　world

of　Cossethay　and　Ilkeston？　There　was　nothing　in　it　he　wanted。

Yet　could　he　ever　get　out　of　it？　Was　there　anything　in　himself

that　would　carry　him　out　of　it？　Or　was　he　a　dunderheaded　baby；

not　man　enough　to　be　like　the　other　young　fellows　who　drank　a

good　deal　and　wenched　a　little　without　any　question；　and　were

satisfied。

He　went　on　stubbornly　for　a　time。　Then　the　strain　became　too

great　for　him。　A　hot；　accumulated　consciousness　was　always　awake

in　his　chest；　his　wrists　felt　sind

became　full　of　lustful　images；　his　eyes　seemed　blood…flushed。　He

fought　with　himself　furiously；　to　remain　normal。　He　did　not　seek

any　woman。　He　just　went　on　as　if　he　were　normal。　Till　he　must

either　take　some　action　or　beat　his　head　against　the　wall。

Then　he　went　deliberately　to　Ilkeston；　in　silence；　intent　and

beaten。　He　drank　to　get　drunk。　He　gulped　down　the　brandy；　and

more　brandy；　till　his　face　became　pale；　his　eyes　burning。　And