小说园

第12部分（第2页）

and　detestable。　But　he　had　grace　at　the　bottom　of　him；　which

told　him　that；　above　all　things；　he　did　not　want　to　lose　her；　he

was　not　going　to　lose　her。

So　he　kept　some　consideration　for　her；　he　preserved　some

relationship。　He　went　out　more　often；　to　the　〃Red　Lion〃　again；

to　escape　the　madness　of　sitting　next　to　her　when　she　did　not

belong　to　him；　when　she　was　as　absent　as　any　woman　in

indifference　could　be。　He　could　not　stay　at　home。　So　he　went　to

the　〃Red　Lion〃。　And　sometimes　he　got　drunk。　But　he　preserved　his

measure；　some　things　between　them　he　never　forfeited。

A　tormented　look　came　into　his　eyes；　as　if　something　were

always　dogging　him。　He　glanced　sharp　and　quick；　he　could　not

bear　to　sit　still　doing　nothing。　He　had　to　go　out；　to　find

pany；　to　give　himself　away　there。　For　he　had　no　other　outlet；

he　could　not　work　to　give　himself　out；　he　had　not　the

knowledge。

As　the　months　of　her　pregnancy　went　on；　she　left　him　more　and

more　alone；　she　was　more　and　more　unaware　of　him；　his　existence

was　annulled。　And　he　felt　bound　down；　bound；　unable　to　stir；

beginning　to　go　mad；　ready　to　rave。　For　she　was　quiet　and

polite；　as　if　he　did　not　exist；　as　one　is　quiet　and　polite　to　a

servant。

Nevertheless　she　was　great　with　his　child；　it　was　his　turn　to

submit。　She　sat　opposite　him；　sewing；　her　foreign　face

inscrutable　and　indifferent。　He　felt　he　wanted　to　break　her　into

acknowledgment　of　him；　into　awareness　of　him。　It　was

insufferable　that　she　had　so　obliterated　him。　He　would　smash　her

into　regarding　him。　He　had　a　raging　agony　of　desire　to　do

so。

But　something　bigger　in　him　withheld　him；　kept　him

motionless。　So　he　went　out　of　the　house　for　relief。　Or　he　turned

to　the　little　girl　for　her　sympathy　and　her　love；　he　appealed

with　all　his　power　to　the　small　Anna。　So　soon　they　were　like

lovers；　father　and　child。

For　he　was　afraid　of　his　wife。　As　she　sat　there　with　bent

head；　silent；　working　or　reading；　but　so　unutterably　silent　that