小说园

第35部分（第3页）

position。　For　he　could　not　be　free　of　her。

For　how　can　a　man　stand；　unless　he　have　something　sure　under

his　feet。　Can　a　man　tread　the　unstable　water　all　his　life；　and

call　that　standing？　Better　give　in　and　drown　at　once。

And　upon　what　could　he　stand；　save　upon　a　woman？　Was　he　then

like　the　old　man　of　the　seas；　impotent　to　move　save　upon　the

back　of　another　life？　Was　he　impotent；　or　a　cripple；　or　a

defective；　or　a　fragment？

It　was　black；　mad；　shameful　torture；　the　frenzy　of　fear；　the

frenzy　of　desire；　and　the　horrible；　grasping　back…wash　of

shame。

What　was　he　afraid　of？　Why　did　life；　without　Anna；　seem　to

him　just　a　horrible　welter；　everything　jostling　in　a

meaningless；　dark；　fathomless　flood？　Why；　if　Anna　left　him　even

for　a　week；　did　he　seem　to　be　clinging　like　a　madman　to　the　edge

of　reality；　and　slipping　surely；　surely　into　the　flood　of

unreality　that　would　drown　him。　This　horrible　slipping　into

unreality　drove　him　mad；　his　soul　screamed　with　fear　and

agony。

Yet　she　was　pushing　him　off　from　her；　pushing　him　away；

breaking　his　fingers　from　their　hold　on　her；　persistently；

ruthlessly。　He　wanted　her　to　have　pity。　And　sometimes　for　a

moment　she　had　pity。　But　she　always　began　again；　thrusting　him

off；　into　the　deep　water；　into　the　frenzy　and　agony　of

uncertainty。

She　became　like　a　fury　to　him；　without　any　sense　of　him。　Her

eyes　were　bright　with　a　cold；　unmoving　hatred。　Then　his　heart

seemed　to　die　in　its　last　fear。　She　might　push　him　off　into　the

deeps。

She　would　not　sleep　with　him　any　more。　She　said　he　destroyed

her　sleep。　Up　started　all　his　frenzy　and　madness　of　fear　and

suffering。　She　drove　him　away。　Like　a　cowed；　lurking　devil　he

was　driven　off；　his　mind　working　cunningly　against　her；　devising

evil　for　her。　But　she　drove　him　off。　In　his　moments　of　intense

suffering；　she　seemed　to　him　inconceivable；　a　monster；　the