小说园

第38部分（第6页）

His　mouth　was　full　of　ash；　his　soul　was　furious。　He　hated　her

for　having　destroyed　another　of　his　vital　illusions。　Soon　he

would　be　stark；　stark；　without　one　place　wherein　to　stand；

without　one　belief　in　which　to　rest。

Yet　somewhere　in　him　he　responded　more　deeply　to　the　sly

little　face　that　knew　better；　than　he　had　done　before　to　the

perfect　surge　of　his　cathedral。

Nevertheless　for　the　time　being　his　soul　was　wretched　and

homeless；　and　he　could　not　bear　to　think　of　Annas　ousting　him

from　his　beloved　realities。　He　wanted　his　cathedral；　he　wanted

to　satisfy　his　blind　passion。　And　he　could　not　any　more。

Something　intervened。

They　went　home　again；　both　of　them　altered。　She　had　some　new

reverence　for　that　which　he　wanted；　he　felt　that　his　cathedrals

would　never　again　be　to　him　as　they　had　been。　Before；　he　had

thought　them　absolute。　But　now　he　saw　them　crouching　under　the

sky；　with　still　the　dark；　mysterious　world　of　reality　inside；

but　as　a　world　within　a　world；　a　sort　of　side　show；　whereas

before　they　had　been　as　a　world　to　him　within　a　chaos：　a

reality；　an　order；　an　absolute；　within　a　meaningless

confusion。

He　had　felt；　before；　that　could　he　but　go　through　the　great

door　and　look　down　the　gloom　towards　the　far…off；　concluding

wonder　of　the　altar；　that　then；　with　the　windows　suspended

around　like　tablets　of　jewels；　emanating　their　own　glory；　then

he　had　arrived。　Here　the　satisfaction　he　had　yearned　after　came

near；　towards　this；　the　porch　of　the　great　Unknown；　all　reality

gathered；　and　there；　the　altar　was　the　mystic　door；　through

which　all　and　everything　must　move　on　to　eternity。

But　now；　somehow；　sadly　and　disillusioned；　he　realized　that

the　doorway　was　no　doorway。　I