小说园

第77部分（第2页）

into　Derbyshire。　They　had　an　endless　wealth　of　things　to　talk

about。　And　it　was　a　great　joy；　finding；　discovering。

But　Ursula　never　told　about　Winifred　Inger。　That　was　a　sort

of　secret　side…show　to　her　life；　never　to　be　opened。　She　did　not

even　think　of　it。　It　was　the　closed　door　she　had　not　the

strength　to　open。

Once　she　was　broken　in　to　her　teaching；　Ursula　began

gradually　to　have　a　new　life　of　her　own　again。　She　was　going　to

college　in　eighteen　months　time。　Then　she　would　take　her

degree；　and　she　would……ah；　she　would　perhaps　be　a　big

woman；　and　lead　a　movement。　Who　knows？……At　any　rate　she

would　go　to　college　in　eighteen　months　time。　All　that　mattered

now　was　work；　work。

And　till　college；　she　must　go　on　with　this　teaching　in　St。

Philips　School；　which　was　always　destroying　her；　but　which　she

could　now　manage；　without　spoiling　all　her　life。　She　would

submit　to　it　for　a　time；　since　the　time　had　a　definite

limit。

The　class…teaching　itself　at　last　became　almost　mechanical。

It　was　a　strain　on　her；　an　exhausting　wearying　strain；　always

unnatural。　But　there　was　a　certain　amount　of　pleasure　in　the

sheer　oblivion　of　teaching；　so　much　work　to　do；　so　many　children

to　see　after；　so　much　to　be　done；　that　ones　self　was　forgotten。

When　the　work　had　bee　like　habit　to　her；　and　her　individual

soul　was　left　out；　had　its　growth　elsewhere；　then　she　could　be

almost　happy。

Her　real；　individual　self　drew　together　and　became　more

coherent　during　these　two　years　of　teaching；　during　the　struggle

against　the　odds　of　class　teaching。　It　was　always　a　prison　to

her；　the　school。　But　it　was　a　prison　where　her　wild；　chaotic

soul　became　hard　and　independent。　When　she　was　well　enough　and

not　tired；　then　she　did　not　hate　the　teaching。　She　enjoyed

getting　into　the　swing　of　work　of　a　morning；　putting　forth　all

her　strength；　making　the　thing　go。　It　was　for　her　a　strenuous

form　of　exercise。　And　her　soul　was　left　to　rest；　it　had　the　time

of　torpor　in　which　to　gather　itself　together　in　strength　again。

But　the　teaching　hours　were　too　long；　the　tasks　too　heavy；　and

the　disciplinary　condition　of　the　school　too　unnatural　for　her。

She　was　worn　very　thin　and　quivering。