小说园

第18部分（第5页）

could　decide　whether　it　were　her　fault　or　theirs。　She　half

respected　these　other　people；　and　continuous　disillusion

maddened　her。　She　wanted　to　respect　them。　Still　she　thought　the

people　she　did　not　know　were　wonderful。　Those　she　knew　seemed

always　to　be　limiting　her；　tying　her　up　in　little　falsities　that

irritated　her　beyond　bearing。　She　would　rather　stay　at　home　and

avoid　the　rest　of　the　world；　leaving　it　illusory。

For　at　the　Marsh　life　had　indeed　a　certain　freedom　and

largeness。　There　was　no　fret　about　money；　no　mean　little

precedence；　nor　care　for　what　other　people　thought；　because

neither　Mrs。　Brangwen　nor　Brangwen　could　be　sensible　of　any

judgment　passed　on　them　from　outside。　Their　lives　were　too

separate。

So　Anna　was　only　easy　at　home；　where　the　mon　sense　and　the

supreme　relation　between　her　parents　produced　a　freer　standard

of　being　than　she　could　find　outside。　Where；　outside　the　Marsh；

could　she　find　the　tolerant　dignity　she　had　been　brought　up　in？

Her　parents　stood　undiminished　and　unaware　of　criticism。　The

people　she　met　outside　seemed　to　begrudge　her　her　very

existence。　They　seemed　to　want　to　belittle　her　also。　She　was

exceedingly　reluctant　to　go　amongst　them。　She　depended　upon　her

mother　and　her　father。　And　yet　she　wanted　to　go　out。

At　school；　or　in　the　world；　she　was　usually　at　fault；　she

felt　usually　that　she　ought　to　be　slinking　in　disgrace。　She

never　felt　quite　sure；　in　herself；　whether　she　were　wrong；　or

whether　the　others　were　wrong。　She　had　not　done　her　lessons：

well；　she　did　not　see　any　reason　why　she　should　do　her

lessons；　if　she　did　not　want　to。　Was　there　some　occult　reason

why　she　should？　Were　these　people；　schoolmistresses；

representatives　of　some　mystic　Right；　some　Higher　Good？　They

seemed　to　think　so　themselves。　But　she　could　not　for　her　life

see　why　a　woman　should　bully　and　insult　her　because　she　did　not

know　thirty　lines　of　As　You　Like　It。　After　all；　what　did

it　matter　if　she　knew　them　or　not？　Nothing　could　persuade　her

that　it　was　of　the　slightest　importance。　Because　she　despised

inwardly　the　coarsely　working　nature　of　the　mistress。　Therefore

she　was　always　at　outs　with　autho