小说园

第5部分（第3页）

still　he　could　not　get　free。　He　went　to　sleep　in　drunken

unconsciousness；　woke　up　at　four　oclock　in　the　morning　and

continued　drinking。　He　would　get　free。　Gradually　the

tension　in　him　began　to　relax。　He　began　to　feel　happy。　His

riveted　silence　was　unfastened；　he　began　to　talk　and　babble。　He

was　happy　and　at　one　with　all　the　world；　he　was　united　with　all

flesh　in　a　hot　blood…relationship。　So；　after　three　days　of

incessant　brandy…drinking；　he　had　burned　out　the　youth　from　his

blood；　he　had　achieved　this　kindled　state　of　oneness　with　all

the　world；　which　is　the　end　of　youths　most　passionate　desire。

But　he　had　achieved　his　satisfaction　by　obliterating　his　own

individuality；　that　which　it　depended　on　his　manhood　to　preserve

and　develop。

So　he　became　a　bout…drinker；　having　at　intervals　these　bouts

of　three　or　four　days　of　brandy…drinking；　when　he　was　drunk　for

the　whole　time。　He　did　not　think　about　it。　A　deep　resentment

burned　in　him。　He　kept　aloof　from　any　women；　antagonistic。

When　he　was　twenty…eight；　a　thick…limbed；　stiff；　fair　man

with　fresh　plexion；　and　blue　eyes　staring　very　straight

ahead；　he　was　ing　one　day　down　from　Cossethay　with　a　load　of

seed　out　of　Nottingham。　It　was　a　time　when　he　was　getting　ready

for　another　bout　of　drinking；　so　he　stared　fixedly　before　him；

watchful　yet　absorbed；　seeing　everything　and　aware　of　nothing；

coiled　in　himself。　It　was　early　in　the　year。

He　walked　steadily　beside　the　horse；　the　load　clanked　behind

as　the　hill　descended　steeper。　The　road　curved　down…hill　before

him；　under　banks　and　hedges；　seen　only　for　a　few　yards

ahead。

Slowly　turning　the　curve　at　the　steepest　part　of　the　slope；

his　horse　britching　between　the　shafts；　he　saw　a　woman

approaching。　But　he　was　thinking　for　the　moment　of　the

horse。

Then　he　turned　to　look　at　her。　She　was　dressed　in　black；　was

apparently　rather　small　and　slight；　beneath　her　long　black

cloak；　and　she　wore　a　black　bonnet。　She　walked　hastily；　as　if

unseeing；　her　head　rather　forward。　It　was　her　curious；　absorbed；

flitting　motion；　as　if　she　were　passing　unseen　by　everybody；