小说园

第29部分（第4页）

fulfil　these　injunctions。

But　quickly　this　palled。　After　a　short　time；　she　was　not　very

much　interested　in　being　good。　Her　soul　was　in　quest　of

something；　which　was　not　just　being　good；　and　doing　ones　best。

No；　she　wanted　something　else：　something　that　was　not　her

ready…made　duty。　Everything　seemed　to　be　merely　a　matter　of

social　duty；　and　never　of　her　self。　They　talked　about　her　soul；

but　somehow　never　managed　to　rouse　or　to　implicate　her　soul。　As

yet　her　soul　was　not　brought　in　at　all。

So　that　whilst　she　had　an　affection　for　Mr。　Loverseed；　the

vicar；　and　a　protective　sort　of　feeling　for　Cossethay　church；

wanting　always　to　help　it　and　defend　it；　it　counted　very　small

in　her　life。

Not　but　that　she　was　conscious　of　some　unsatisfaction。　When

her　husband　was　roused　by　the　thought　of　the　churches；　then　she

became　hostile　to　the　ostensible　church；　she　hated　it　for　not

fulfilling　anything　in　her。　The　Church　told　her　to　be　good：　very

well；　she　had　no　idea　of　contradicting　what　it　said。　The　Church

talked　about　her　soul；　about　the　welfare　of　mankind；　as　if　the

saving　of　her　soul　lay　in　her　performing　certain　acts　conducive

to　the　welfare　of　mankind。　Well　and　good…it　was　so；　then。

Nevertheless；　as　she　sat　in　church　her　face　had　a　pathos　and

poignancy。　Was　this　what　she　had　e　to　hear：　how　by　doing　this

thing　and　by　not　doing　that；　she　could　save　her　soul？　She　did

not　contradict　it。　But　the　pathos　of　her　face　gave　the　lie。

There　was　something　else　she　wanted　to　hear；　it　was　something

else　she　asked　for　from　the　Church。

But　who　was　she　to　affirm　it？　And　what　was　she　doing

with　unsatisfied　desires？　She　was　ashamed。　She　ignored　them　and

left　them　out　of　count　as　much　as　possible；　her　underneath

yearnings。　They　angered　her。　She　wanted　to　be　like　other　people；

decently　satisfied。

He　angered　her　more　than　ever。　Church　had　an　irresistible

attraction　for　him。　And　he　paid　no　more　attention　to　that　part

of　the　service　which　was　Church　to　her；　than　if　he　had　been　an

angel　or　a　fabulous　beast　sitting　there。　He　simply　paid　no　heed

to　the　sermon　or　to　the　meaning　of　the　service。　There　was

something　thick；　dark；　dense；　powerful　about　him　that　irritated

her　too　deeply　for　her　to　speak　of　it。　The　Church　teaching　in

itself　meant　nothing　to　him。　〃And　forgive　us　our　trespasses　as