小说园

第20部分（第1页）

his　face；　and　closed　his　eyes　for　a　minute。　？I　mean；　what　good　would　it　do　to　tell　Blair　about

Serena　anyway？　She？s　going　to　Yale　tomorrow。　And　maybe　she？ll　go；　and　I？ll　miss　her　so　much

I？ll　be　on　the　Metro…North　every　freaking　Friday。　Or　maybe　me　and　Serena　will　be　together？so

why　decide　now；　right？？　？Nate　。　。　。？　Chips　turned　and　looked　at　Nate　thoughtfully；　one　hand

resting　on　his　stiff　leg。　？Don？t　twist　my　words　to　your　own　convenience。　There？s　a　difference

between　protecting　someone　else　and　protecting　yourself。　And　it　doesn？t　sound　to　me　like　you？ve

done　much　thinking　about　what？s　really　best　for　those　two　girls　you　claim　to　love　so

much。？　？Yeah？？　Nate　stared　glumly　down　at　the　wide…planked　floor。　He　knew　how　hurt　Serena

would　be　if　he　told　her　he　was　going　to　see　Blair　every　weekend　at　Yale。　He　also　knew　that　if　he

told　Blair　what　had　happened　with　Serena；　that　shoe…throwing　scene　would　look　like　a　trip　to　the

circus。

Step　right　up　to　see　the　man…eating　Manolo…thrower！　？But　there？s　this　other　thing；？　Nate　went　on；

struggling　with　his　thoughts。　？Blair　and　Serena　。　。　。　they　both　know　exactly　what　they　want。

They？ve　got　all　theseplans　。　。　。　。　Everyone　else　knows　what　they　want；　but　I　just　。　。　。don？t　。　And

even　if　I　did；　I　feel　like　everything？s　been　decided　for　me。？　The　sparkling　water　seemed　to　laugh

at　him。　Weeks　before；　the　water　had　been　full　of　promise。　Now　he　just　felt　like　he　was　sinking。

？That？s　the　biggest　pile　of　bullshit　I？ve　ever　heard　in　all　my　living　days；？　Chips　growled。　He

leaned　forward　so　that　his　face　was　inches　from　Nate？s。　？Look　at　me？I？m　sixty…five　years　old；

I？ve　got　a　bad　leg；　and　on　Sunday　morning；　I？m　setting　sail　around　the　world。？　He　tapped　his　shin

and　it　made　a　weird　knocking　sound。　？Knock　on　wood；　it？ll　be　the　best　thing　I　ever　did。？　Knock

on　wood？

Nate？s　eyes　widened　in　surprise　at　Chips？s　announcement？sail　around　the　world？　Damn。

Chips　tossed　the　cigar　overboard　with　a　flourish。　？Boy；？？his　voice　was　grave？？I？m　going　to　give

you　the　exact　same　advice　I　gave　your　father　twenty…five　years　ago。？　He　paused；　looking　Nate

dead　in　the　eye。　？You　need　to　figure　out　what　you　really　want？no　more　of　this　pussyfooting

around。　Remember；　you？ve　got　to　think　with　your　balls；　not　with　your　dick。？　Here　we　go　again。

Nate　nodded；　looking　at　the　floor；　starting　to　understand　what　Chips？s　perverse　little　saying

really　meant。　He　was　right？all　this　going　back　and　forth　about　Serena　and　Blair　wasn？t　helping

anyone。　It　was　all　about　his　dick；　but　there　was　nothing　brave　or　manly　about　lying　to　the　two

people　he　loved　most　in　the　world。

？Every　boy　has　to　bee　a　man　sometime。？　Chips　drained　his　glass　and　placed　it　on　the　teak

plank　floor。　？Now？s　your　turn。？　Is　that　Scottish…old…man…speak　for　？Grow　a　sack？？

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