小说园

第35部分（第5页）

pathetically；　so　prettily。　So　he　kissed　her；　whilst　his　heart

was　ice。

And　sometimes　he　went　out。　Once　he　sat　for　a　long　time　in　the

church　porch；　before　going　in　to　bed。　It　was　dark　with　a　wind

blowing。　He　sat　in　the　church　porch　and　felt　some　shelter；　some

security。　But　it　grew　cold；　and　he　must　go　in　to　bed。

Then　came　the　night　when　she　said；　putting　her　arms　round　him

and　kissing　him　fondly：

〃Stay　with　me　to…night；　will　you？〃

And　he　had　stayed　without　demur。　But　his　will　had　not

altered。　He　would　have　her　fixed　to　him。

So　that　soon　she　told　him　again　she　must　be　alone。

〃I　dont　want　to　send　you　away。　I　want　to　sleep

with　you。　But　I　cant　sleep；　you　dont　let　me　sleep。〃

His　blood　turned　black　in　his　veins。

〃What　do　you　mean　by　such　a　thing？　Its　an　arrant　lie。　I

dont　let　you　sleep〃

〃But　you　dont。　I　sleep　so　well　when　Im　alone。　And　I　cant

sleep　when　youre　there。　You　do　something　to　me；　you　put　a

pressure　on　my　head。　And　I　must　sleep；　now　the　child　is

ing。〃

〃Its　something　in　yourself；〃　he　replied；　〃something　wrong　in

you。〃

Horrible　in　the　extreme　were　these　nocturnal　bats；　when

all　the　world　was　asleep；　and　they　two　were　alone；　alone　in　the

world；　and　repelling　each　other。　It　was　hardly　to　be　borne。

He　went　and　lay　down　alone。　And　at　length；　after　a　grey　and

livid　and　ghastly　period；　he　relaxed；　something　gave　way　in　him。

He　let　go；　he　did　not　care　what　became　of　him。　Strange　and　dim

he　became　to　himself；　to　her；　to　everybody。　A　vagueness　had　e

over　everything；　like　a　drowning。　And　it　was　an　infinite　relief

to　drown；　a　relief；　a　great；　great　relief。

He　would　insist　no　more；　he　would　force　her　no　more。　He　would

force　himself　upon　her　no　more。　He　would　let　go；　relax；　lapse；

and　what　would　be；　should　be。