小说园

第35部分（第6页）

Yet　he　wanted　her　still；　he　always；　always　wanted　her。　In　his

soul；　he　was　desolate　as　a　child；　he　was　so　helpless。　Like　a

child　on　its　mother；　he　depended　on　her　for　his　living。　He　knew

it；　and　he　knew　he　could　hardly　help　it。

Yet　he　must　be　able　to　be　alone。　He　must　be　able　to　lie　down

alongside　the　empty　space；　and　let　be。　He　must　be　able　to　leave

himself　to　the　flood；　to　sink　or　live　as　might　be。　For　he

recognized　at　length　his　own　limitation；　and　the　limitation　of

his　power。　He　had　to　give　in。

There　was　a　stillness；　a　wanness　between　them。　Half　at　least

of　the　battle　was　over。　Sometimes　she　wept　as　she　went　about；

her　heart　was　very　heavy。　But　the　child　was　always　warm　in　her

womb。

They　were　friends　again；　new；　subdued　friends。　But　there　was

a　wanness　between　them。　They　slept　together　once　more；　very

quietly；　and　distinct；　not　one　together　as　before。　And　she　was

intimate　with　him　as　at　first。　But　he　was　very　quiet；　and　not

intimate。　He　was　glad　in　his　soul；　but　for　the　time　being　he　was

not　alive。

He　could　sleep　with　her；　and　let　her　be。　He　could　be　alone

now。　He　had　just　learned　what　it　was　to　be　able　to　be　alone。　It

was　right　and　peaceful。　She　had　given　him　a　new；　deeper　freedom。

The　world　might　be　a　welter　of　uncertainty；　but　he　was　himself

now。　He　had　e　into　his　own　existence。　He　was　born　for　a

second　time；　born　at　last　unto　himself；　out　of　the　vast　body　of

humanity。　Now　at　last　he　had　a　separate　identity；　he　existed

alone；　even　if　he　were　not　quite　alone。　Before　he　had　only

existed　in　so　far　as　he　had　relations　with　another　being。　Now　he

had　an　absolute　self……as　well　as　a　relative　self。

But　it　was　a　very　dumb；　weak；　helpless　self；　a　crawling

nursling。　He　went　about　very　quiet；　and　in　a　way；　submissive。　He

had　an　unalterable　self　at　last；