小说园

第41部分（第4页）

the　garden。　Then　the　fields　were　full　of　hay。

She　did　not　remember　what　had　been　nor　what　would　be；　the

outside　things　were　there　each　day。　She　was　always　herself；　the

world　outside　was　accidental。　Even　her　mother　was　accidental　to

her：　a　condition　that　happened　to　endure。

Only　her　father　occupied　any　permanent　position　in　the

childish　consciousness。　When　he　came　back　she　remembered　vaguely

how　he　had　gone　away；　when　he　went　away　she　knew　vaguely　that

she　must　wait　for　his　ing　back。　Whereas　her　mother；　returning

from　an　outing；　merely　became　present；　there　was　no　reason　for

connecting　her　with　some　previous　departure。

The　return　or　the　departure　of　the　father　was　the　one　event

which　the　child　remembered。　When　he　came；　something　woke　up　in

her；　some　yearning。　She　knew　when　he　was　out　of　joint　or

irritable　or　tired：　then　she　was　uneasy；　she　could　not　rest。

When　he　was　in　the　house；　the　child　felt　full　and　warm；　rich

like　a　creature　in　the　sunshine。　When　he　was　gone；　she　was

vague；　forgetful。　When　he　scolded　her　even；　she　was　often　more

aware　of　him　than　of　herself。　He　was　her　strength　and　her

greater　self。

Ursula　was　three　years　old　when　another　baby　girl　was　born。

Then　the　two　small　sisters　were　much　together；　Gudrun　and

Ursula。　Gudrun　was　a　quiet　child　who　played　for　hours　alone；

absorbed　in　her　fancies。　She　was　brown…haired；　fair…skinned；

strangely　placid；　almost　passive。　Yet　her　will　was　indomitable；

once　set。　From　the　first　she　followed　Ursulas　lead。　Yet　she　was

a　thing　to　herself；　so　that　to　watch　the　two　together　was

strange。　They　were　like　two　young　animals　playing　together　but

not　taking　real　notice　of　each　other。　Gudrun　was　the　mothers

favourite……except　that　Anna　always　lived　in　her　latest

baby。

The　burden　of　so　many　lives　depending　on　him　wore　the　youth

down。　He　had　his　work　in　the　office；　which　was　done　purely　by

effort　of　will：　he　had　his　barren　passion　for　the　church；　he　had