小说园

第41部分（第5页）

three　young　children。　Also　at　this　time　his　health　was　not　good。

So　he　was　haggard　and　irritable；　often　a　pest　in　the　house。　Then

he　was　told　to　go　to　his　woodwork；　or　to　the　church。

Between　him　and　the　little　Ursula　there　came　into　being　a

strange　alliance。　They　were　aware　of　each　other。　He　knew　the

child　was　always　on　his　side。　But　in　his　consciousness　he

counted　it　for　nothing。　She　was　always　for　him。　He　took　it　for

granted。　Yet　his　life　was　based　on　her；　even　whilst　she　was　a

tiny　child；　on　her　support　and　her　accord。

Anna　continued　in　her　violent　trance　of　motherhood；　always

busy；　often　harassed；　but　always　contained　in　her　trance　of

motherhood。　She　seemed　to　exist　in　her　own　violent　fruitfulness；

and　it　was　as　if　the　sun　shone　tropically　on　her。　Her　colour　was

bright；　her　eyes　full　of　a　fecund　gloom；　her　brown　hair　tumbled

loosely　over　her　ears。　She　had　a　look　of　richness。　No

responsibility；　no　sense　of　duty　troubled　her。　The　outside；

public　life　was　less　than　nothing　to　her；　really。

Whereas　when；　at　twenty…six；　he　found　himself　father　of　four

children；　with　a　wife　who　lived　intrinsically　like　the　ruddiest

lilies　of　the　field；　he　let　the　weight　of　responsibility　press

on　him　and　drag　him。　It　was　then　that　his　child　Ursula　strove　to

be　with　him。　She　was　with　him；　even　as　a　baby　of　four；　when　he

was　irritable　and　shouted　and　made　the　household　unhappy。　She

suffered　from　his　shouting；　but　somehow　it　was　not　really　him。

She　wanted　it　to　be　over；　she　wanted　to　resume　her　normal

connection　with　him。　When　he　was　disagreeable；　the　child　echoed

to　the　crying　of　some　need　in　him；　and　she　responded　blindly。

Her　heart　followed　him　as　if　he　had　some　tie　with　her；　and　some

love　which　he　could　not　deliver。　Her　heart　followed　him

persistently；　in　its　love。

But　there　was　the　dim；　childish　sense　of　her　own　smallness

and　inadequacy；　a　fatal　sense　of　worthlessness。　She　could　not　do

anything；　she　was　not　enough。　She　could　not　be　important　to　him。

This　knowledge　deadened　her　from　the　first。