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第41部分(第1页)

such a frightful; nerve…wracking existence? By blaming himself before anyone

else does; the artist believes he’ll be spared what he’s feared for years。 Others

listen to him and believe him only when he admits his guilt; for which he is

then condemned to burn in Hell—the illustrator of Isfahan lit these hellfires

himself。”

“But you’re not a miniaturist;” he said。 “I didn’t kill him out of fear。”

“You murdered him because you wanted to paint as you wished; without

fear。”

For  the  first  time  in  a  long  while;  the  miniaturist  who  aspired  to  be  my

murderer said something quite intelligent: “I know you’re explaining all this

to  distract  me;  to  dupe  me;  to  get  yourself  out  of  this  situation;”  and  he

added;  “but  what  you’ve  just  said  is  the  truth。  I  want  you  to  understand;

listen to me。”

I looked into his eyes。 He’d pletely forgotten the formality customary

between us as he spoke: He’d been carried away by his own thoughts。 But to

where?

“Never fear; I won’t offend your honor;” he said。 He laughed bitterly as he

circled around to face me。 “Even now;” he said; “as I’m doing this; it doesn’t

seem to be me。 It’s as if there’s something writhing within me pelling me

to  do  its  evil  bidding。  Yet  I  need  that  thing  noheless。  It’s  that  way  with

painting; too。”

“These are old wives’ tales about the Devil。”

“You think I’m lying; then?”

183

He didn’t have enough courage to murder me; so he wanted me to enrage

him。  “Nay;  you’re  not  lying  but  you’re  not  acknowledging  what  you  feel

either。”

“I acknowledge very well what I feel。 I’m suffering the torments of the grave

without having died。 Unawares; we’ve sunk to our necks in sin because of you;

and now you’re preaching ”more courage。“ You’re the one who’s made me a

murderer。 Nusret Hoja’s rabid henchmen will kill us all。”

The  less  confident  he  became;  the  more  he  raised  his  voice  and  the  more

fiercely  he  gripped  the  inkpot。  Would  somebody  passing  down  the  snowy

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