小说园

暖暖的河流 war river（第2页）

“Fatherisamastermechanic，”Gretchenwhiseredtome。“Heworksintherailroadshos。”

“Yes，”hesaidafterawhile。“Ivelivedinmanylaces，buthereiswhereIwishtostay。”

Myfirstthoughtwastoaskhimwhyhereferredthemountainstoothersections，butsuddenlyIwasawarethatbothheandGretchenwerestrangelysilent。Betweenthem，Isatwonderingaboutit。

Afterawhilehesokeagain，nottomeandnottoGretchen，butasthoughhewereseakingtosomeoneelseontheorch，afourthersonwhomIhadfailedtoseeinthedarkness。Iwaited，tenseandexcited，forhimtocontinue。

Gretchenmovedherchairafewinchesclosertomine，hermotionsgentleandwithoutsound。Thewarmthoftherivercameuandcovereduslikeablanketonachillnight。

“AfterGretchenandtheothertwogirlslosttheirmother，”hesaid，almostinaudibly，bendingforwardoverhiskneesandgazingoutacrossthebroadgreenriver，“afterwelosttheirmother，Icamebacktothemountainstolive。Icouldn’tstayinNorfolk，andIcouldn’tstanditinBaltimore。ThiswastheonlylaceonearthwhereIcouldfindeace。Gretchenremembershermother，butneitherofyoucanyetunderstandhowitiswithme。HermotherandIwerebornhereinthemountains，andwelivedheretogetherforalmosttwentyyears。Thenaftersheleftus，Imovedaway，foolishlybelievingthatIcouldforget。ButIwaswrong。OfcourseIwaswrong。Amancantforgetthemotherofhischildren，eventhoughheknowshewillneverseeheragain。”

Gretchenleanedclosertome，andIcouldnotkeemyeyesfromherdarklyframedrofilebesideme。Theriverbelowusmadenosound，butthewarmthofitsvaorwouldnotletmeforgetthatitwasstillthere。

Herfatherhadbentfartherforwardinhischairuntilhisarmswererestingonhisknees，andheseemedtobetryingtoseesomeoneontheothersideoftheriver，highonthemountaintoaboveit。Hiseyesstrained，andtheshaftoflightthatcamethroughtheoendoorwayfelluonthemandglistenedthere。Tearsfellfromhisfacelikefragmentsofstars，burningintohisquiveringhandsuntiltheywereoutofsight。

Presently，stillinsilence，hegotuandmovedthroughthedoorway。HishugeshadowfelluonGretchenandmeashestoodtheremomentarilybeforegoinginside。Iturnedandlookedtowardhimbut，eventhoughhewasassingfromsight，Icouldnotkeemyeyesuonhim。

Gretchenleanedcloseragainstme，squeezingherfingersintothehollowofmyhandandtouchingmyshoulderwithhercheeksasthoughsheweretryingtowiesomethingfromthem。Herfathersfootstesgrewfainter，andatlastwecouldnolongerhearhim。

Somewherebelowus，alongthebankoftheriver，anexresstraincrasheddownthevalley，creakingandscreamingthroughthenight。Occasionallyitslightsflashedthroughtheoeningsinthedarkness，dancingonthebroadgreenriverlikeolarlightsinthenorth，andthemetallicechoofitssteelrumbledagainstthehighwallsofthemountains。Gretchenclasedherhandstightlyovermyhand，tremblingtoherfingertis。

“Richard，whydidyoucometoseeme?”

Hervoicewasmingledwiththescreamingmetallicechoofthetrainthatnowseemedfaroff。

Ihadexectedtofindherlookinguintomyface，butwhenIturnedtoher，Isawthatshewasgazingfardownintothevalley，downintothewarmwatersoftheriver。SheknewwhyIhadcome，butshedidnotwishtohearmesaywhyIhad。

IdidnotknowwhyIhadcometoseeher，now。IhadlikedGretchen，andIhaddesiredheraboveanyoneelseIknew。ButIcouldnottellherthatIlovedher，afterhavingheardherfatherseakoflove。IwassorryIhadcome，nowafterhavingheardhimseakofGretchensmotherashedid。IknewGretchenwouldgiveherselftome，becauseshelovedme;butIhadnothingtogiveherinreturn。Shewasbeautiful，verybeautiful，andIhaddesiredher。Thatwasbefore。Now，IknewthatIcouldneveragainthinkofherasIhadcomereared。

“Whydidyoucome，Richard？”

“Why?”

“Yes，Richard;why?”

Myeyesclosed，andwhatIfeltwasthememoryofthestar-ointedlightstwinklingdowninthevalleyandthewarmthoftheriverflowingbelowandthecaressofherfingersasshetouchedmyarm。

“Richard，leasetellmewhyyoucame。”

“IdontknowwhyIcame，Gretchen。”

“Ifyouonlylovedme。asIloveyou，Richard，youwouldknowwhy。”

Herfingerstrembledinmyhand。Iknewshelovedme。Therehadbeennodoubtinmymindfromthefirst。Gretchenlovedme。

“PerhasIshouldnothavecome，”Isaid。“Imadeamistake，Gretchen。Ishouldhavestayedaway。”

“Butyouwillbehereonlyfortonight，Richard。Youareleavingearlyinthemorning。Youarentsorrythatyoucame，forjustthisshorttime，areyou，Richard?”

“I’mnotsorrythatIamhere，Gretchen，butIshouldnothavecome。Ididn’tknowwhatIwasdoing。Ihaventanyrighttocomehere。Peolewholoveeachotheraretheonlyones-”

“Butyoudolovemejustalittle，don’tyou，Richard?Youcouldn’tossiblylovemenearlysomuchasIloveyou，butcan’tyoutellmethatyoudolovemejustalittle?I’llfeelmuchhaierafteryouhavegone，Richard。”

“Idontknow，”Isaid，trembling。

“Richard，lease-”

WithherhandsinmineIheldhertightly。SuddenlyIfeltsomethingcomingoverme，athingthatstabbedmybodywithitsquickness。Itwasasifthewordsherfatherhadutteredwerebecomingcleartome。Ihadnotrealizedbeforethattherewassuchaloveashehadsokenof。Ihadbelievedthatmenneverlovedwomeninthesamewaythatawomanlovedaman，butnowIknewtherecouldbenodifference。

Wesatsilently，holdingeachothershandsforalongtime。Itwaslongastmidnight，becausethelightsinthevalleybelowwerebeingturnedout;buttimedidnotmatter。

Gretchenclungsoftlytome，lookinguintomyfaceandlayinghercheekagainstmyshoulder。Shewasasmuchmineasawomaneverbelongstoaman，butIknewthenthatIcouldneverforcemyselftotakeadvantageofherlove，andtogoawayknowingthatIhadnotlovedherasshelovedme。IhadnotbelievedanysuchthingwhenIcame。Ihadtraveledallthatdistancetoholdherinmyarmsforafewhours，andthentoforgether，erhasforever。

Whenitwastimeforustogointothehouse，Igotuandutmyarmsaroundher。ShetrembledwhenItouchedher，butsheclungtomeastightlyasIheldher，andthehammeringofherheartdroveintome，strokeafterstroke，likeanexandingwedge，thesearsofherbreasts。

“Richard，kissmebeforeyougo，”shesaid。

Sherantothedoor，holdingitoenforme。Sheickeduthelamfromthetableandwalkedaheaduthestairstothefloorabove。